Learning to Prioritize Me- A Journey of Self-Discovery


At over 60 years old, I'm finally learning to put myself first. This document explores my journey of self-care, setting boundaries, and embracing my authentic self. It's a roadmap for other mature women, especially African American sisters, who are ready to prioritize themselves and live their best lives.


The Wake-Up Call: Realizing It's Time for Change

My entire life has been about caring for others, ensuring everybody else had what they wanted, needed, or thought they had to have. I cooked what the family wanted to eat, pushed that shopping cart through the grocery store filling it with everybody else's favorites, and attended every event to support everyone else - the children's programs, church functions, and friends' celebrations.

Don't get me wrong, I loved being there. Those weddings, baptisms, and ball games brought joy to my heart. But being present for others meant I had to keep canceling on myself, pushing my events aside. It wasn't until I got home and put all those groceries away that I realized something striking - not one thing in that cart was just for me.

Now, in my Seasoned Season (because that's what this time is), I'm turning that spotlight right on around to shine on ME! I'm establishing boundaries and rules of engagement - yes, I said rules - about how and when folks can interact with me. I'm building my foundation, creating my philosophy to be the roadmap for my new lifestyle.



The Big Questions: Navigating the Journey

As I embark on this journey of self-discovery and prioritization, these questions keep dancing around in my head:

  • Why should I do this?

  • How does this look?

  • Can I really do this?

  • Is it worth all this effort?

Let me tell you something - saying you will do something is the easy part. DOING it? That's when you need discipline and determination to show up. If you don't know your WHY, you won't make it to the finish line. That WHY kept the tortoise moving when that rabbit showed off - he knew what he wanted.

Let's break this down and explore each of these questions in detail. Understanding the answers will help us navigate this journey of self-prioritization with clarity and purpose.



Why Should I Do This?

I feel like I'm drowning in a sea of "maybe later" and "not right now." I watch everybody else living their best lives, reaching their goals, and being happy. Meanwhile, here I sit, just watching from the sidelines. I'm treading water to stay alive, but I'm not really living. I'm tired of surviving—it's time to start thriving.

This journey is about reclaiming my time, energy, and joy. It's about recognizing that I deserve to be as happy and fulfilled as those I've spent my life caring for. It's about understanding that by taking care of myself, I'm better equipped to care for others when I choose to do so.

Prioritizing myself isn't selfish - it's necessary. It's about filling my cup so that I can pour from a place of abundance rather than scraping the bottom of an empty vessel. This journey is about rediscovering who I am beyond the roles of caregiver, supporter, and nurturer I've played for so long.

Sister, remember: You can't pour from an empty cup. It's time to fill yours first.



How Does This Look?

Friend, this is trial and error. I'm starting by making a list of everything I like and don't like—my truth, not anybody else's. This journey isn't about making other people do anything. It's about commanding better relationships with my family and friends by teaching them how to treat me right.

Here's how I'm prioritizing ME:

  • I'm going to events I WANT to attend

  • I'm saying No without explaining myself

  • I'm setting aside my blackout time - that's MY time

  • I'm not canceling my plans just because somebody else wants my time

  • I'm letting go of that shame and guilt when I choose me first

This looks like me standing in my truth unapologetically. It's about creating a life that reflects my values, desires, and needs. It might mean saying no to that church committee I've been on for years but no longer enjoy. It could mean taking that art class I've always wanted to try, even if it means missing a family dinner. It's about making choices that honor my authentic self, even when they might disappoint others.


Can I Really Do This?

Yes, it's challenging, but it's doable. This isn't some quick fix or 30-day challenge. It's about changing my whole lifestyle. I'm taking it step by step, ensuring each change fits ME, not what social media or anybody else says I should do.

I'm taking my time to ensure that these changes nurture and grow the real me. Sometimes, that river of fear tricks me into dressing up old habits in new clothes, calling them "changes." I'm moving slowly and steadily, ensuring every step is authentic.

Remember, sister, we come from a long line of strong, resilient women. Our ancestors faced challenges we can't even imagine, and they persevered. We have that same strength within us. We can absolutely do this.

It might initially feel uncomfortable, like trying on a new pair of shoes. But with time and practice, it will become second nature.


Start small. Take 15 minutes each day for quiet reflection. Maybe it's learning to say, "Let me think about it," instead of automatically saying yes. Each small step is a victory, a move toward the life you deserve.


You are stronger than you know, more capable than you believe, and more deserving than you've been led to think.


Is It Worth It?

Baby, I AM worth it. This change is necessary to clear out everything blocking my growth. I've got years ahead of me, and I want every day to be filled with all the joy, peace, happiness, and abundance God has for me.


This journey of learning to prioritize myself isn't smooth sailing. There will be days when that "No" gets stuck in my throat, there are days when it all feels too hard, and giving up looks good. But there will also be days when I stand firm in my boundaries, self-care feels as natural as breathing, and peace wraps around me like a warm blanket.

Like my grandmother used to say, "Long as my good days outweigh my bad days," I will celebrate every victory, big and small. And let me tell you, the good days start to multiply. You'll find yourself laughing more, stressing less, and truly enjoying life in a way you might have forgotten was possible.

The worth isn't just in the destination; it's in the journey itself. Every time you choose yourself, you're healing generations of women who were taught always to put themselves last. You're setting an example for the younger women in your life, showing them that self-love isn't selfish. It's essential.


Embracing the Journey: A Sister's Encouragement

I am the tortoise in this life journey, moving at my own pace, learning to love and embrace my authentic self. And Sister, if you're reading this, know you can do it too. It's never too late to put yourself first.

This journey of self-prioritization is about reclaiming your time, joy, and purpose. It's about recognizing that you deserve love, care, and attention - especially from yourself. It's about honoring the woman you are, the experiences that have shaped you, and the wisdom you've gained over the years.
As you embark on this journey, remember to be patient with yourself. Change doesn't happen overnight, and old habits can be stubborn. But with each small step, each boundary set, each moment of self-care, you're creating a new pattern for your life.
Lean on your sisters for support. Share your journey with them. You might be surprised how many yearn for the same changes in their lives. Together, we can lift, celebrate our victories, and comfort each other during the challenges.

You've spent a lifetime taking care of others. Now it's your time to shine and prioritize your dreams, health, and happiness. You deserve it, sister. Step into your power, embrace your worth, and watch how the world transforms when you put yourself first.


You are never too old to start loving yourself first. Your time is now, sister. Embrace it.




by Lula J @ BlacqueLadi-Styles
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